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I finally made it back to Masters Swim. It was nice that it was one-on-one (the gym was pretty empty, I suspect most people had plans tonight). I got a lot of instruction on what's wrong with my stroke. I already feel like I'm on a good path to an improved swim. I'm glad I went back, I'm not sure why I was dreading it so much.

I weighed in today for week 1. Down 4.4. Not quite the 5 I was planning on, but I'll take it and run. I'll take any downward movement. I really wasn't in the mood to see him at the gym tonight. But he knew I would be swimming and he walked through the pool area to leave. I was busy working with my coach so I couldn't talk, I mustered a hey and got one back. But it looked like his puppy had been run over. Ugh, oh well, better to figure it out sooner rather than later, I don't want to drag it out longer.

Life is short. I'm not getting younger. Each time I learn more what I'm looking for and what I'm not. I know more what I'm willing to accept and what things I won't settle for. It certainly makes the filter process quicker, but not easier. I really hate dating. I wish I could know who I was going to marry, so I could just go along with my life, have fun and when I'm ready to start the family, get moving. But life's not like that, so I keep plugging along.

The cleanse has been frustrating. I haven't lost as much as I was told I would as quickly. Not to mention the damn thing is ridiculously expensive. But I will go the full 21 days and give it my all. I'm going to Chicago this weekend and am going to move my meals to dinner. Now the meals aren't exactly on the plan, but I got approval to go ahead and tack some more time to the end. I'm okay with that. One of the meals was the best hamburger I remembered, jeez, I hope it's still great (or on the menu even!). The other meal is with my dad, dinner at Lawry's, it's tradition. I'll get a smaller cut of prime rib and have the corn. I'll enjoy it and not feel guilty and move on.

Well back to my super exciting Vday night of the Bachelor and water. Don't be jealous, I know you wish you had it this good!

Frustrations

Start of day 5 and no change since day 3. I'm frustrated. I know I'm impatient and I know I'm going to stick it through to prove to myself that I can do it. I'm mainly frustrated that the cleanse cost so much and the selling points of doing it have yet to be seen.

A side benefit is that I have started to sleep better. Two nights ago I slept like a rock, which it has been a while. I slept pretty sound last night given the circumstances.

I know that every time I start something like this I seem to do well and then fall off at the end. I don't want this time to be like it, I want to look back and know that I gave it my all the entire time. I'm hoping that like me, my body is just being stubborn too.

Another plus, all these crazy tri workouts have starting to redevelop my biceps and triceps. Each day I get much stronger and each day I get a little more excited for tri season to start in 9 weeks!

Insanity

The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. Is it ironic that I'm coming back to my blog almost exactly a year later or is it insanity?

I think it's insanity. I read the other posts and I think, "jesus, I sound like a broken record." Although I read the posts and think of how much fun I had in San Francisco, it was a year ago yesterday that we went, one of the best weekends I've had in my life. I also went to some amazing concerts this summer. But I'm back in the winter and my thoughts seem familiar.

However, I know in my heart that 2012 will be different. I have this inner feeling this year will be the year of change. I even had a good friend and sports mentor say the same thing. He said shortly into 2012 when I was discussing my goals "Chrissy, I just have this feeling that this will be the year."

So to break the chains of insanity we have to do something different. So what's different about this year? I joined the T3 tri team for starters. I've decided I'm done with completing tris and want to compete in them. So I'm tackling a half ironman in Muncie this July and wanted to train with other like-minded people. I hate feeling like people are waiting on me, so to be slow and join a pack of serious athletes is a huge challenge for me.

I also took on the team lead position for Back on My Feet Indpls' new team - Manchester House. I will be running three days a week at 5:45 a.m. with an amazing group of people. Again, a huge challenge, I'm a slow runner so I hate having people slow for me. I think this will speed me up and teach me to keep pushing through when I want to stop.

There's another 90 day challenge at the gym. Although this time I'm in it to win it, win it all. The female (there's also a male category) that loses the most % of body weight will win $5K, a year of dues and a trip for two to California for a spa weekend. That prize is mine. I'm not letting anything get in my way or be my excuse. I'm going to fight like hell for the next 87 days (we're on day 3) to get there.

I'm three days into a 21 day cleanse. I never thought I'd willingly do one of these. My nutritionist thought it'd be a good way to kick off the challenge and my trainer was all for it. God bless Katie. She has been training me for almost 5 years. And she has wanted me to lose weight more than I usually have wanted it for myself. But this year IS different, I want it just as bad, if not more.

So here's the cleanse. It's based off Alejandro Junger's book "Clean" Humm... how cleaver.

Breakfast
-Shake with fiber, veggie protein powder, glutamine, dynamic greens and coconut milk. I take a shit ton of pill supplements (I think pushing 18 pills in the a.m.) so I needed an XXL pill box. I feel like an old lady with a pill box, but it saves me like 1.5 minutes opening and closing bottles.

Lunch
-Organic protein (8oz) and organic veggies from an approved list.
(I never thought I'd be so excited to eat chewable food until this week and lunch is my only meal)

Dinner
-Shake again. Shit ton pills

If I work out I have a shake before I work out. I get up to 4 shakes a day as needed if I'm hungry.

Day 1-3 observations:
-The first day wasn't hard at all. Until 3 p.m. rolled around. Jesus, I would have tackled the pope for a cookie at that point. or nuts. or fruit. anything really, I just wanted to snack. I realized at this point how much I mindlessly eat and never even realized it.

-I bet I drink more water a day than the average person. But now I know I do. I can't have anything artificial in my water, so it's fresh fruit (which I can't eat LOL) or the loverly minerals Indiana is known for to flavor my water. I now know exactly how long it takes to get to each bathroom in the museum from my office.

-The shakes aren't bad. They taste okay, the consistency isn't bad. Now, ask me again in 10 days if I still think the same.

I try not to talk about it too much, no one wants to hear about the crazy shit you're doing and it gets old. But when you don't physically chew two of your meals a day, you realize how much the world and your life revolves around food.

-I was pissed I didn't lose anything on day 2. I got a nice message from my nutritionist about how damn impatient I am (DUH!) and give it a day. So day 3 I'm down 1.6 pounds.

-My energy is pretty shot during the day. At night I'm running the walls. So the rumor is that in a few days my energy will be through the roof and I'll be sleeping like a baby. One can only wish.